I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
