well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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