it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
