i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
