the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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