tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize