FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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