I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
