My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
