we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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