My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
