There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
