apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
