Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
FUCK WHALES
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
