shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
