We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
