Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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