cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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