You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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