it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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