gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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