I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
bring money and cleavage
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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