please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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