nut hugger
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
