I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
