Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
