If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
