I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize