i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
