so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
