I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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