You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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