you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
