My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
