Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
