she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
