It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Fuck appropriateness.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
