finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
