i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
