Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize