my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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