her vagine was all disorganized.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
