peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
