I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize