I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
