I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
