Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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