Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
