I met the friendliest cop last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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