my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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