my phone needs a breathalizer
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
