When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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