i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
