At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was confusing and full of hummus
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize