someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
