ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
