I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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