She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
