dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
