capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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