You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
