Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
