Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
