after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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