We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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