just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
